Parenting Book: 17 18 19 Redshirting Education
Based on the forthcoming book "17 18 19: Redshirting Education" by John Chavez
Bio of John Chavez
https://www.facebook.com/171819Book/
Retired 20+ year High Educator, 27 years as a Football & Baseball Coach, Currently TV High School Football Commentator. Father of three adult sons, older two have graduated from college, youngest a sophomore in college.
Podcast voices created by NotebookLM
Parenting Book: 17 18 19 Redshirting Education
The Secret Sauce: Why People Who Are Genuinely Likable Get Ahead
Welcome back to the Deep Dive. So we got some really interesting material sent over, particularly that book by John Chavez. 17, 18, 19, redshirting Education.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And it really got us thinking. You know, beyond the usual suspects, the grades, the test scores, what really sets young people up for well college and careers.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we spend so much time on those measurable things, the GPAs, the SATs.
Speaker 1:Exactly, but Chavez, he points to something else, something quieter maybe.
Speaker 2:That's a good way to put it. Less tangible, definitely, but he argues it's incredibly powerful for where kids end up.
Speaker 1:So okay, let's dig into that. If we push aside the transcripts for a second, what is this skill, this quietly powerful factor, he's talking about?
Speaker 2:Well, that's our mission for this deep dive, isn't it?
Speaker 1:It is. We're focusing on what Chavez calls likability and trying to unpack why he sees it as so critical for being ready for well everything that comes after high school.
Speaker 2:And it's really important right off the bat to clarify what he means by likability.
Speaker 1:Good point, because it's not about being the life of the party.
Speaker 2:Or just trying to please everyone? Not at all. He defines it in a much deeper way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it seems rooted in genuine connection, like how do people actually feel when they interact with you?
Speaker 2:Exactly, and he breaks that down into things like empathy, emotional intelligence.
Speaker 1:Authenticity, humility. It's about the real substance, isn't it?
Speaker 2:Totally, and he outlines some core traits that make up this kind of authentic likability.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's take through those. What's first?
Speaker 2:Empathy, so really being able to tune in to what others are feeling and, you know, respond thoughtfully, not just notice it, but get it.
Speaker 1:Right, and then self-awareness, which is well, it's knowing how you land with people, right.
Speaker 2:Precisely Understanding your impact and being mature enough to adjust. You know, without losing, who you are.
Speaker 1:Makes sense. He also mentions humor.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but the inclusive kind, the kind that brings people together, doesn't push anyone out.
Speaker 1:Okay and straightforward. Kindness, just being decent.
Speaker 2:Pretty much Genuine good wits, no hidden agenda.
Speaker 1:And the last one he highlights is confidence, but without the arrogance. That's a tricky balance sometimes.
Speaker 2:It really is. It's that quiet self-assurance, knowing your worth without needing to like broadcast it or put others down that draws people in.
Speaker 1:Okay, so that's the what Empathy, self-awareness, humor, kindness, confident humility. Now the why why does Chavez argue this is so vital, starting with, say, college?
Speaker 2:Well, think about the college environment. Likeability, as he defined it, sort of lubricates relationships. How so Take professors or advisors? If a student is engaging seems genuinely curious. It's just easy to connect with.
Speaker 1:That professor is probably more likely to invest in them. Right Offer guidance, maybe mentorship.
Speaker 2:Exactly. It moves beyond just a transaction and you feel more comfortable asking for help.
Speaker 1:Makes perfect sense. And it's not just professors, I assume. What about peers?
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely critical. College is so collaborative Group projects, study groups, just navigating campus life yeah, you need to be able to get along, find people to work with, get help when you're stuck. Being likable just makes all that easier.
Speaker 1:It helps you build that support network and contribute positively. Okay, so it smooths the path in college. Now, looking further ahead, chavez calls it a career accelerator. That sounds significant.
Speaker 2:It does, doesn't it? His point is think about job interviews. Right, you could have all the qualifications on paper, perfect resume, but in that interview, they're also thinking do I want to work with this person every day? Exactly, it's the fit factor. Being competent is essential, obviously yeah, but being someone people genuinely connect with, that can be the tiebreaker Big time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can be brilliant, but if you're difficult to work with, that affects the whole team Totally.
Speaker 2:And Chavez points out, leadership often isn't just about being the smartest person in the room.
Speaker 1:It's about trust, isn't it? People following someone they actually want to follow.
Speaker 2:Precisely Likeability builds that trust. It makes people want to collaborate with you and when you look at promotions, it's not just about your individual output. Rarely. It's also about how well you build relationships, navigate different personalities, manage the social dynamics of the workplace. That's huge for moving up.
Speaker 1:So it impacts getting the job and advancing in it. He lists quite a few specific areas affected by this, doesn't he?
Speaker 2:He does? He talks about internships. How often those come through connections or recommendations?
Speaker 1:Which ties into letters of recommendation themselves. A professor you've actually connected with will write a much stronger letter.
Speaker 2:No question, they genuinely like you. They advocate harder. Then there's things like roommate situations in college.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that can make or break an experience.
Speaker 2:Totally, and campus involvement, getting into clubs, taking on roles it all relies on those interpersonal skills.
Speaker 1:And then circling back to the career stuff job offers, promotions and, crucially, long-term networking.
Speaker 2:Right. People help people they like and remember positively. It just opens doors down the line.
Speaker 1:He uses his own kids as examples too, which is quite interesting. The different ways this likability edge played out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, those anecdotes really bring it to life. His oldest son, who was redshirted.
Speaker 1:Right, given that extra year before starting school?
Speaker 2:Chavez describes him developing this quiet charisma. He wasn't loud, but teachers, coaches, they trusted him. He learned to disagree respectfully, connect authentically, became a natural leader.
Speaker 1:And the youngest also redshirted.
Speaker 2:Similar outcome, maybe slightly different flavor calm confidence. When he spoke, people listened, not because he demanded it, but because he seemed focused on genuinely connecting.
Speaker 1:That's subtle but powerful, and the contrast is with the middle son.
Speaker 2:Who graduated early.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Chavez observed his relationships with adults were maybe a bit more transactional, still capable, of course, right, but he had to consciously work on those relational skills later, skills the others developed more naturally with that extra time.
Speaker 1:Which really drives home the point that this isn't just innate, it can be developed.
Speaker 2:Exactly, which leads to the next question how do you teach it? How do you nurture likability? Chavez has thoughts on that too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, practical stuff like modeling.
Speaker 2:Huge Kids watch everything. So showing them how to listen, actively, disagree without attacking, give genuine compliments that sets the standard.
Speaker 1:And he mentions praising empathy when you see it like actively pointing it out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, reinforcing that behavior. That was really kind how you noticed Sarah was upset, that kind of thing.
Speaker 1:Makes sense.
Speaker 2:He also pushes for group activities right Sports clubs Right, because those are natural environments for learning, collaboration, patience, even leadership. You have to figure out how to work with others.
Speaker 1:And, on the flip side, giving gentle feedback when things go wrong.
Speaker 2:Yeah, direct, but kind correction.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like if a kid constantly interrupts or avoids eye contact. Not shaming them, but guiding them towards better habits.
Speaker 1:He even gets into small things like remembering names.
Speaker 2:Which seems small, but it makes a big difference in how people feel, seen, you know.
Speaker 1:Definitely, and role-playing, like practicing handshakes, small talk, thank you notes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, actually practicing those real-world scenarios builds confidence and, frankly, competence in those basic social interactions.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's loop back to redshirting specifically. How does Chavez tie that extra year directly to developing this likability factor? His?
Speaker 2:argument is basically that older students often just have more emotional bandwidth, more maturity.
Speaker 1:They've maybe seen a bit more handled, more social situations, maybe failed a few times.
Speaker 2:Exactly More experience with complexity resilience. That extra year gives their social skills and self-awareness more time to develop before they hit those really high stakes environments like college or first jobs.
Speaker 1:So they arrive with maybe deeper social roots, stronger self-esteem.
Speaker 2:That's the idea, and he's careful to say it's not about manipulation, it's about genuine maturity and social intelligence being more developed.
Speaker 1:So, bringing it all together, what's the core takeaway from Chavez on likability? Why hammer this point home?
Speaker 2:I think his final point is that likability defined this way is actual influence. It's not just nice to have.
Speaker 1:It opens doors.
Speaker 2:It opens doors, invites collaboration, builds trust. In a world overflowing with talent, that ability to connect, to be trusted, to be someone people want to work with.
Speaker 1:That becomes a serious advantage.
Speaker 2:He basically frames it as a crucial soft skill that functions like a very powerful hard skill in the real world.
Speaker 1:Right. So, wrapping up this deep dive, the message seems clear Academics matter, activities matter, but don't underestimate this power of authentic connection, the empathy, the self-awareness, the kindness. Chavez makes a strong case that cultivating this likability is a really significant piece of the college and career readiness puzzle.
Speaker 2:It really is. It's about the impact you have on others and how that ripples outwards.
Speaker 1:Which leaves us with a question for you, the listener, to maybe chew on for you, the listener, to maybe chew on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thinking about all the empathy, awareness connection. How might intentionally working on your own likability traits actually shift your interactions, your opportunities?
Speaker 1:It's interesting to consider, isn't it that subtle but potentially huge influence of how we genuinely connect with people. Something to think about.
